COUPLES
Couples Therapy
I’m glad that you are considering getting some help on your relationship. It may be a little worse for wear due to a lack of attention. A relationship is just like any living entity, in order to thrive it needs attention, love and nourishment.
I practice attachment based couples therapy called Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFT). EFT is a dynamic process of identifying your pattern of conflict and getting beneath the "he said/she said" discourse. We will focus on the emotions beneath the arguments that are driving the argument. Our couples work will focus on reaching for those more vulnerable emotions and learn to express them safely.
In reality, healthy intimacy does not just arrive as a result of weekend get aways or good sex. Actually, intimacy should be thought of as a verb. It is something that you do, whether things are going well or not. Intimacy is "reaching to connect" and sharing in a respectful and loving way - regardless of how you are feeling. In other words, powerful moments of intimacy are when two people are sharing to be "seen and known" by the other. Regardless, when there is a lack of safe connection or dysfunctional patterns of communication, people come in wanting help.
Here’s a list of issues that couples bring to my office:
- You do not talk about anything but household logistics
- You do not have any passion for one another
- You have nothing to talk about
- You do not communicate respectfully to each other
- You do not share your feelings honestly
- You do not know how to fight fair
- You do not have quality time together as a couple
- You are just going through the motions
- You are unfaithful
You each bring your own set of issues to the table. As a couples therapist I will help you:
- Identify what you want your relationship to be
- Identify negative patterns in your relationship
- Communicate respectfully
- Be accountable for your side of the problem
- Be solution driven
- Break down the walls that prevent connection
- Express your needs appropriately
- Reestablish intimacy
- Rekindle love